who would have thought

Thirty four years ago they stood on the edge of discovery! A shinny new life awaited the pair. She a slim 30 pounds, beautiful auburn hair. He tummy heavy, but youthfully attractive and full of himself.
2011, she, 150 pounds of wrinkled, bruised skin, mostly hairless from chemo side effects. He bought her a rolling walker with a seat she could stop and sit on. He bought her a raised toilet, giving her some dignity in the bathroom and a hand held shower attachment. There stands her prince charm charming over the laundry tub in the basement. He scrubs the diarrhea stains from the new pajamas that santa brought and washes another load to bring upstairs and start the cleaning cycle again. Ge cooks, trying to keep her from loosing weight. Nothing tastes good. He mades her bed and carefully places the decorator pillow on the bed.
In August he had a heart attack. With wires in his chest, he pads around the house like an old woman, wide steps, slow, carefully placed feet to prevent falls and the long difficult climb up the stairs. The wedding aisle winds through new groups of people. There are the oncologists, the cardiologist, the radiologist and the rehab. peers cheering on the couple.....who are not the couple starting down life's path 34 years ago, they more, better and beautiful. Who oulld have thought!!!!!!

a shitty situation

I lost most of this post and I don't feel up to repeating all, but for now, the good news is that the tummos in my lungs have shrunk, some up to 50%. So onward with the chemo that i causing alll the diarrehea. What's a little shit in the big picture. More later....

Five rednosed reindeer!

On Thursday I had another Chemo treatment that was easy. But then all hell broke loose. Wed. I went to Mongolian Grill with friends and I watched them eat plates full of fried worms. I had egg roll soup and tea.sure was good. On Christmas eve we went to friends house to play games (didn't) and she had pasties from Butte and I had tea..sure was good, By morning, Christmas morning, I could not get my head off the pillow. Then the fun began. Sydney called the doctor, Kathy called the ambulance and five vechiles arrived with sirens and flashing lights. Sienna, thought Santa arrived! No one would let her open her gifts. When they finally got me inn the ambul;ance I told them to let the child open her gifts and I rode away with lights and siren to the manger scene.
The story,medically speaking, I was in AFIB, which is an irregular heart beat pattern. So they took me to the cardiac unit, and they kept coming in to ask me what I wanted to do if my heart stopped. I kept telling them to start it again. I guess I look older than I thought. Anyway so much for my fairy tales about nothing to Chemo. I had anemia, low white blood count, diarrhea, etc. I had two blood transfusions, new heart meds, an echo cardiogram. So today, Monday the 27th. I was able to take a shower by myself, spend most of the day in a chair and here I am blogging. Expect to go home tomorrow, but I'm going to be less expecting of tomorrows. Sienna will be back this weekend and I hope we can play with her toys.
I hope your Christmas morning had less surprises! My grandchildren from Libby are here this week too, so it will be fun to be home. Tomorrow is granddaughter from Libby's Birthday and Thursday is husband's is Thurs. and I ain't going to no Nursling bome. A new year is coming. Can't be as bad as 2010. Hope yours will be the best yet. I hoping for less shit.













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on the fourth day of chemo

The following stories are supposed to be funny, so if you start feeling pity, hit tghe delete.
On the fourth day after my last chemo my claim that chemo was a piece of cake started to fall apart. It was literally the shittiest day of my treatment. I dreamt I was spreading these walmart plastic bags of gas all over the house. Smelled like a cow barn or maybe a pig sty.
Then I woke up and realized my bed was damp. When I tried to get out of hed I slipped the floor. Realized I was on the bed for the night unless I could wake Sydney up. So I crawled to the bathroom with the hope of maybe liftingt my self to the toilet. Nope, so I shit on the floor and peed on the rug, discarded my nightgown and crawled naked back to bed. Couldn't get up so began to yell for Sydney and he finally heard me. Came into the room, picked me up and tossed me into bed naked and left me to go back to bed. Felt good to me. We slept till morning. Sydney washed all the bedding, towels, and rugs and now he's talking about a nursing home!

third Chemo

Showed up at the chemo station with cherry red Christmas fingernails and toenails!
Also had bruises all over. Seems the problem was that my blood level was too low and blood pressure was too high. hope to get those problems fixed this week and then maybe set the rooster shots in my knee. They worked real good a few years ago.
I tipped over by my bed last night and Sydney was able to jack me up.

Chemo was Taxol and Paxal this time and then we will add Avasta (which is supposed to stop the spread; I get two more Thurs. then a day off and start over. I don't know how long that will last, but so far no side effects. No nausea etc.

I'm done with shopping and wrappkng so will probably just enjoy the season. It is cold and crisp today and looks like Christmas. We have received lots and lots of Christmas mail and packages. I hope people don't think this is my last Christmas because I enjoying the attention so much I might stay around for another one! Love all you and each morning when I wake up to another gift.....a day from God,.you are the ribbons on that gift., HaPPY hOLIDAYS

34 years of wedded bliss? No, but partnership, yes.

On Saturday, our 34th anniversary, we went to the City Bar and had their seasonal tom and jerry drink and a nice sandwich for lunch. Treated our friends. Not exchanging gifts this year.
Then in the evening, Pascha, Syd and I went to Jakers. I had fish and chips, Dad had drunken noodles and Pascha had some kind of noodles too. We were pleased the the service or the food, so no more Jakers for us.
Sydney bought me a great gift. On Weds. I will have a pedicure and a manicure and I am going to choose Christmas colors! What a luxury!
Syd collects the bearfoot bears and I found a set of bears working out at rehab! He has about 9 cardiac rehabs sessions left. He has done well.
I have such a time with my knee. If I am too far down, I'm stuck....so I've learned to use the handicap toilet in Walmart etc. Anyway, last week I went to rehab for me and they gave me some exercises to strengthen my knee. I don't like them and I'm not going to do them. I am going to see about a knee brace and maybe use a cane.
The latest plan is to bring a book to the basement and stay down here until all the laundry is done. One trip a day up the basement stairs is about all I can handle. I think I'll ask the doctor about iron shots? Sure hate feeling so weak.
I need to go into town in the next two days and finish up all my shopping for Christmas, just in case I don't feel up to it next week. Sienna comes this weekend and I think she'll go to see Santa, sled riding, shopping and maybe a movie. We will have her Christmas morning. Hope you and yours are almost ready. Carol

you will die

Last year when I first learned about my cancer, I felt powerful and it seemed like a romantic thing to be entering into..what a bunch of s--t that was to be thinking.
Find this winter that I don't want to die. Ever!
So, I used to run 5 miles. I lost weight. I ate the right foods. What did you do to stop the death that you did not believe in?
Of course, we go through our life ignoring that we will, must and have to die. Think about it. Can you think about it? I think most of us do not believe it will really happen.
Will chemo kill the cancer cells where death lives? I don't really think so, but let's try. I do not plan on going gently into that good night even though I must.