Well, that's what they called it when I was a young Catholic. Now they call it the annointing of the ill or even the elderly, which I guess I am. Anyway the Catholics are coming over in the morning to annoint me so that I will get stronger and heal better.
On the scientific front I had two IVs this week to pep me up, one today so the weekend might be a good one.
I have two more treatments...then I am hoping for remission and getting my energy back so we can travel.
And that is about all I have to say about that.....later
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tumor markers
I'm not sure what tumor markers are, but my numbers at first were 23. and now they are 10. Doc. says that means they getting rid of the current cancer. I have 6 more radiation treatments on the lung...then a full body pic to see if anything is lurking.
I find myself in a kinda surreal state in that what is abnormal has become my normal.
There are times that I forget the inevitable outcome of the situation and then all of the sudden I remember.....I have lung cancer that had already spread! Well Kubler-Ross had stages of grief, I think I am wandering between denial and some anger these days. I know I am tired of making other people feel good. "how are you?"
"O, just fine, I'm almost done with my treatments and I am doing well. How are you"
I could say, "well, how the hell do you think I am?"
Sydney has been leaving me out of some of the daily activities. Like I don't get to choose what kind of flowers, etc. for the yard. I'm pissed off at him for that. I called an attorney today. May sue the state of Montana for providing me with cigarettes when I was in the girls reform school in 1952.. We'll see.
I find myself in a kinda surreal state in that what is abnormal has become my normal.
There are times that I forget the inevitable outcome of the situation and then all of the sudden I remember.....I have lung cancer that had already spread! Well Kubler-Ross had stages of grief, I think I am wandering between denial and some anger these days. I know I am tired of making other people feel good. "how are you?"
"O, just fine, I'm almost done with my treatments and I am doing well. How are you"
I could say, "well, how the hell do you think I am?"
Sydney has been leaving me out of some of the daily activities. Like I don't get to choose what kind of flowers, etc. for the yard. I'm pissed off at him for that. I called an attorney today. May sue the state of Montana for providing me with cigarettes when I was in the girls reform school in 1952.. We'll see.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Happy Birthday Francis
Francis would have been 49 years old tomorrow...He died in 1989 but I wrote this poem at a workshop in Boston in 1998.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
The world is afloat in mourning light...?
There is a light in mourning.
That "aha" experience comes to all
But at different times.
You led me through the valley of the shadow,
that I no longer fear.
The mourning light dawned for me in my last years.
The gates of freedom opened wide.
That, my birthday boy, was your gift to me.
Your life and your death are valued.
Through the dew and gossamer of grief
I was able to see clearly.
I would not have found life
Without your death.
Happy Birthday and thank you for this life.
mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
The world is afloat in mourning light...?
There is a light in mourning.
That "aha" experience comes to all
But at different times.
You led me through the valley of the shadow,
that I no longer fear.
The mourning light dawned for me in my last years.
The gates of freedom opened wide.
That, my birthday boy, was your gift to me.
Your life and your death are valued.
Through the dew and gossamer of grief
I was able to see clearly.
I would not have found life
Without your death.
Happy Birthday and thank you for this life.
mom
Thursday, April 22, 2010
steroid stella
Well,yesterday I got a shot of steroids right in the artery, guess that makes me a mainliner? Anyway, cleaned the bathroom, went to the radiation, dusted all the upstairs walls, no wall washing or painting this spring thought, swiftered anything needing dusting, windexed all glass surfaces, 409 all white surfaces, lemon pledged all wood and cabinets, 409 leather couch, 409 two cloth couches, febreezed the rooms, washed all the throw rugs, took a nap!
The secret is to strike while the steroids are active....
I think the guys are going to do the windows tomorrow if it doesn't rain...big black clouds out there.
blood pressure 102/69...used to be about that when I was a runner. Only thing that runs now are my eyes, nose and bladder......
The secret is to strike while the steroids are active....
I think the guys are going to do the windows tomorrow if it doesn't rain...big black clouds out there.
blood pressure 102/69...used to be about that when I was a runner. Only thing that runs now are my eyes, nose and bladder......
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Another Day
boy, just when you think? Don't!
I have been getting weaker and weaker and blaming it all on the radiation. Also some nausea...
So this morning I could hardly stand upright....had to lay down in between getting dressed.
When I went for my radiation treatment I asked the girls if the doc was around. Not feeling too good. They remarked that I was cold and clammy....turns out my blood pressure was 90/50 so I got to go to the chemo room and had a couple of hours of normal saline dumped into me and some decadron for the nausea. Much better afternoon. Now I remember that my blood pressure was quite low a couple of times while I was in the hospital...so tomorrow I am not taking my TWO blood pressure pills and ask the doc about reducing the amounts.
Thanks to all of you who have emailed your thoughts, wishes, prayers, invitations and other encouragements.
I have been getting weaker and weaker and blaming it all on the radiation. Also some nausea...
So this morning I could hardly stand upright....had to lay down in between getting dressed.
When I went for my radiation treatment I asked the girls if the doc was around. Not feeling too good. They remarked that I was cold and clammy....turns out my blood pressure was 90/50 so I got to go to the chemo room and had a couple of hours of normal saline dumped into me and some decadron for the nausea. Much better afternoon. Now I remember that my blood pressure was quite low a couple of times while I was in the hospital...so tomorrow I am not taking my TWO blood pressure pills and ask the doc about reducing the amounts.
Thanks to all of you who have emailed your thoughts, wishes, prayers, invitations and other encouragements.
Monday, April 19, 2010
UPDATE - better!
OK, my pro-time is in a therapeutic range.....leg doesn't hurt. Tomorrow is last day for brain radiation. Radiologist says the tumors are dead. Now in a couple of weeks, after the dead stuff has been absorbed, another scan to make sure all is gone, if not the cyberknife.
Oncologist says two more weeks of lung xrays, then scan and if cancer anywhere else no point treating someone who doesn't have cancer. Then check every 6 - 8 weeks to make sure I'm still clean. Sounds to me like a summer vacation coming up.
Son from Oregon does windows and shampoos carpets. 75 degrees today. Sydney in the yard, me on couch for a couple of more weeks. Sure am strapped for energy.
Yesterday lunch with the church ladies and I voiced some of my deepest doubts and my friend started crying because she doesn't want me to go to hell. So I need to stop telling her those kind of things. Today, my four year old grand daughter said, out of the blue, that "God has a special son, his name is Jesus." Out of the mouth of babes, lest you believe like a child.
Oncologist says two more weeks of lung xrays, then scan and if cancer anywhere else no point treating someone who doesn't have cancer. Then check every 6 - 8 weeks to make sure I'm still clean. Sounds to me like a summer vacation coming up.
Son from Oregon does windows and shampoos carpets. 75 degrees today. Sydney in the yard, me on couch for a couple of more weeks. Sure am strapped for energy.
Yesterday lunch with the church ladies and I voiced some of my deepest doubts and my friend started crying because she doesn't want me to go to hell. So I need to stop telling her those kind of things. Today, my four year old grand daughter said, out of the blue, that "God has a special son, his name is Jesus." Out of the mouth of babes, lest you believe like a child.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Some days are coal
Boy, yesterday was not a good one (till the end). I was nauseated and could hardly stand up...Spent day on the couch dozing, but too sick to really sleep. I thought it might beside effects, but today I think I must have picked up a virus because I have had diarrhea and yesterday I had three blankets piled on me while everyone else was running around in shorts.
Anyway,today is much better again.
But that's just part of the news. Pascha was cooking this big meal last night when Sydney got a call from a friend of ours to come and help him out cause his car broke down. So I am in the living room pulling the drapes down when someone touches my back and says, "Hi Mom." My oldest son, from Oregon! What a nice way to end crappy day! He will be here for awhile. Today we drove around and looked at places he had lived before we left Montana in 1963.
Anyway,today is much better again.
But that's just part of the news. Pascha was cooking this big meal last night when Sydney got a call from a friend of ours to come and help him out cause his car broke down. So I am in the living room pulling the drapes down when someone touches my back and says, "Hi Mom." My oldest son, from Oregon! What a nice way to end crappy day! He will be here for awhile. Today we drove around and looked at places he had lived before we left Montana in 1963.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
One More Old Poem
Written in 1994
Christmas Carol Chronicles
"Joy came to the world of the elderly pair.
The Cherub gave reason for the season that year.
Frosted windows with star flags for the men "over there"
In search of the good will and to all the earth peace.
Postwar winter wonderlands of frosted snowmen
brought skaters to ponds and sleds to the hills.
"Merry Christmas we wish" sand the toothless first grade
and war weary soldiers made plows of their swords.
Dreams of "White Christmas" just like the ones
were replaced by fake tress ...(On tables they sat),
With glass candles that bubbled, forever it seemed.
now interrupted by neons that flashed. Mother had died.
Hail Marys and Our Fathers kept the anger away
with uniformed siblings she knelt at the stable,
while Elks, Easgles and Knights, who had traveled so far,
brought tiding of joy to the inn with a room.
Away in the manager, no place for their heads
the littlest angels slept all in a row
and ..harking and hearlding...the heavenly hosts
from realms of glory kept the night silent
Turned corners, called Christmas in the pages of life.
Post lessons and memories to the day of all days
with choices of bubbles or neons that that lie or
stars above cradles in the holy night sky.
I promise, this is the last of the old poetry.
Christmas Carol Chronicles
"Joy came to the world of the elderly pair.
The Cherub gave reason for the season that year.
Frosted windows with star flags for the men "over there"
In search of the good will and to all the earth peace.
Postwar winter wonderlands of frosted snowmen
brought skaters to ponds and sleds to the hills.
"Merry Christmas we wish" sand the toothless first grade
and war weary soldiers made plows of their swords.
Dreams of "White Christmas" just like the ones
were replaced by fake tress ...(On tables they sat),
With glass candles that bubbled, forever it seemed.
now interrupted by neons that flashed. Mother had died.
Hail Marys and Our Fathers kept the anger away
with uniformed siblings she knelt at the stable,
while Elks, Easgles and Knights, who had traveled so far,
brought tiding of joy to the inn with a room.
Away in the manager, no place for their heads
the littlest angels slept all in a row
and ..harking and hearlding...the heavenly hosts
from realms of glory kept the night silent
Turned corners, called Christmas in the pages of life.
Post lessons and memories to the day of all days
with choices of bubbles or neons that that lie or
stars above cradles in the holy night sky.
I promise, this is the last of the old poetry.
Some Old Poems
1990
When I was commuting to Portland, working on my Master's degree I was struggling with guilt about not being home where a woman belongs, etc. I wrote this:
THE FAMILY PLAN
Ignorinig the eccelastical wisdom, she stiched about purposes and seasons.
She shuttled on Amtrak between the then and the now.
Out of Sync with her estrogen peers, she grasped at the brass ring of academia
and her children, in frames, lined up on her desk.
She justified letters in place of hugs, with Nikes and braces, but
late trains, the minds "down time" brought unbeckoned guilt and
she wished for the black and white truths of the fifties.
A one way ticket home to middle America via the retorical offerings of the campus library, brought her back to the needle with the threads waiting to spell:
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"
In 1944...the war was on and bubble gum was hard to come by...it was during the Christmas program when we heard the little store on the corner had received the shipment.
1944 Emerson, Trumn, Pearl Harbor and Double Bubble.
Mary and Joseph ran from the scene. Beached toweled shepards and crowned wisemen parachuted from playground swings.
Past "Christmas at Kranz" to que-gue up at the store.
Loafers with pennies were stripped of their trim and the comics from "fleers" littered the snow as the cast returned to their places.
"Hark Angles" and "O come yees" were peppered with pink pops.
War brought shortages of nylons, and gum and big brothers.
In 1947 my mother was dying. We lived in a one room hotel in the skidrow district. I spent time on the streets and discovered the Salvation Army...
1947
Hey Kid! Get in line You can't just walk right in You need a number.
The Salvation Soldier offered his and and she walked at his side to a table up front.
The house had been sold, the dog put away, They lived at the Brent.
No car to drive to see the Smelter Hill lights.
The Mother lay dying.
The party went on in the house of Minniapolis below.
Hot lunches at Largent were the meal of the day
And across the street the Army gave baskets away.
"I don't have a number mister soldier>"
"It ain't heavy..I can carry it."
"I've not far to go."
From Croxford's....to Highland... to St. Thomas.
She joined the blue sea of jumpered carolers who sang to the void.
In 1955, after Gardner was born Carol learned she could get welfare...it was Christmas time and she spent the entire check on presents and decorations.
1955
A court house of stone and a cold female face.
At the end of the line, the child and her baby, a family of two.
Christmas would come now. The welfare check came through.
Blue Christmas with Elvis was traded for White with a Crosby
and the Public Drugstore stayed open that Sunday.
The "Dole" bought the lights and the wrappings for toys.
Her Blue Friends at the Army filled a basket for them,
her and her boy.
1956
The line at the court house for license was brief.
In a Chapel at Malmstrom , yellow bands were exchanged.
After time at the Yellowstone place, all alone,
they picked up the boy, and the girl and
a boy, and a girl and a boy.
Columbus and Deaconess filled the fireplace with
stockings and beds full of sugar plum dreams.
She hummed in the dark by the tree
A processional song..."O come all ye faithful"
She took her place in the line.
Halloween 1993
They shuffle right through the brittle leaf memories...
The remnents of summer can't stop them...
They come from the autumn.
TRICK OR TREAT
twisting and turning down lanes without dates
batmans and witches and princesses play
in her heart where it is summer.
TRICK OR TREAT
Other pumpkins grin lifeless on silver moon nights.
Summers...autumns...with no natural end
abruptly stopped futures...no harvest
TRICK OR TREAT
Posterity lays under modly leaves
in boxes coverd with hard clay
the frost is on the pumpkin
TRICK.
When I was commuting to Portland, working on my Master's degree I was struggling with guilt about not being home where a woman belongs, etc. I wrote this:
THE FAMILY PLAN
Ignorinig the eccelastical wisdom, she stiched about purposes and seasons.
She shuttled on Amtrak between the then and the now.
Out of Sync with her estrogen peers, she grasped at the brass ring of academia
and her children, in frames, lined up on her desk.
She justified letters in place of hugs, with Nikes and braces, but
late trains, the minds "down time" brought unbeckoned guilt and
she wished for the black and white truths of the fifties.
A one way ticket home to middle America via the retorical offerings of the campus library, brought her back to the needle with the threads waiting to spell:
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"
In 1944...the war was on and bubble gum was hard to come by...it was during the Christmas program when we heard the little store on the corner had received the shipment.
1944 Emerson, Trumn, Pearl Harbor and Double Bubble.
Mary and Joseph ran from the scene. Beached toweled shepards and crowned wisemen parachuted from playground swings.
Past "Christmas at Kranz" to que-gue up at the store.
Loafers with pennies were stripped of their trim and the comics from "fleers" littered the snow as the cast returned to their places.
"Hark Angles" and "O come yees" were peppered with pink pops.
War brought shortages of nylons, and gum and big brothers.
In 1947 my mother was dying. We lived in a one room hotel in the skidrow district. I spent time on the streets and discovered the Salvation Army...
1947
Hey Kid! Get in line You can't just walk right in You need a number.
The Salvation Soldier offered his and and she walked at his side to a table up front.
The house had been sold, the dog put away, They lived at the Brent.
No car to drive to see the Smelter Hill lights.
The Mother lay dying.
The party went on in the house of Minniapolis below.
Hot lunches at Largent were the meal of the day
And across the street the Army gave baskets away.
"I don't have a number mister soldier>"
"It ain't heavy..I can carry it."
"I've not far to go."
From Croxford's....to Highland... to St. Thomas.
She joined the blue sea of jumpered carolers who sang to the void.
In 1955, after Gardner was born Carol learned she could get welfare...it was Christmas time and she spent the entire check on presents and decorations.
1955
A court house of stone and a cold female face.
At the end of the line, the child and her baby, a family of two.
Christmas would come now. The welfare check came through.
Blue Christmas with Elvis was traded for White with a Crosby
and the Public Drugstore stayed open that Sunday.
The "Dole" bought the lights and the wrappings for toys.
Her Blue Friends at the Army filled a basket for them,
her and her boy.
1956
The line at the court house for license was brief.
In a Chapel at Malmstrom , yellow bands were exchanged.
After time at the Yellowstone place, all alone,
they picked up the boy, and the girl and
a boy, and a girl and a boy.
Columbus and Deaconess filled the fireplace with
stockings and beds full of sugar plum dreams.
She hummed in the dark by the tree
A processional song..."O come all ye faithful"
She took her place in the line.
Halloween 1993
They shuffle right through the brittle leaf memories...
The remnents of summer can't stop them...
They come from the autumn.
TRICK OR TREAT
twisting and turning down lanes without dates
batmans and witches and princesses play
in her heart where it is summer.
TRICK OR TREAT
Other pumpkins grin lifeless on silver moon nights.
Summers...autumns...with no natural end
abruptly stopped futures...no harvest
TRICK OR TREAT
Posterity lays under modly leaves
in boxes coverd with hard clay
the frost is on the pumpkin
TRICK.
UPDATE
First of all, let me tell all of you who are worrying about the dagger that I have to stick into my stomach everyday. The 1/2 inch needle only goes in some of the fat I have stored around my middle and it doesn't hurt at all, although it does leave a bruise..because it is blood thinner you know.
Here is an interesting bit about the pills I am taking....they are called coumadin, but the other name is warfarin and it is the same stuff they feed rats to kill them. The rats eat that stuff and bleed to death. Hopefully, I won't. That is why I went to have my blood tested today. It is still not thin enough, so I am now going to take two of the rat poison pills for a couple of days, and three more shots. Then on Monday another blood level to see if we have thinned the blood enough. I found out today that the clot starts at the knee cap and extends down my left leg. UGG....My left left is 2 centimeters larger than the right...So now you have the facts Jack....but the facts are not the issue. The issue is my mortality, which is a little shakier than it was last week...Well, sorta....anyway here's some thoughts on letting go.
I don't care if the city fixes the pot holes: I worried myself sick for years wondering how Sydney and I would get through our old age financially. I hated the idea of getting a artificial knee. I wondered if the Mayans were right about 2012?
A lot of things don't matter to me anymore...because I can't fix them anymore and it is kinda nice not to be the fixer.....
So I say "be kind to everyone you meet because they are dying" But they don't believe they are dying so they will fix the potholes and handle the finances best they can and vote on matters that matter to them, until they find out none of it really matters.....Sound depressed? Not really, more disgusted with the resent turn of events...
Yesterday Sydney and I bought a dozen donuts and I ate six! Then for supper I had garlic bread and diet pot! Now that was a down day....At work tonight and the day is better.. Yesterday we had 9 inches of snow...I had been sad because I thought I might not see snow again and then in the morning it looked like God had taken his cake frosting gun to the trees and structures. Absolutely beautiful...now we are warming with a forcast of 70 degrees by Saturday and Sienna will be here with her own personal sunshine and Stephen is going to be in town and I have a lunch date on Sunday......
Here is an interesting bit about the pills I am taking....they are called coumadin, but the other name is warfarin and it is the same stuff they feed rats to kill them. The rats eat that stuff and bleed to death. Hopefully, I won't. That is why I went to have my blood tested today. It is still not thin enough, so I am now going to take two of the rat poison pills for a couple of days, and three more shots. Then on Monday another blood level to see if we have thinned the blood enough. I found out today that the clot starts at the knee cap and extends down my left leg. UGG....My left left is 2 centimeters larger than the right...So now you have the facts Jack....but the facts are not the issue. The issue is my mortality, which is a little shakier than it was last week...Well, sorta....anyway here's some thoughts on letting go.
I don't care if the city fixes the pot holes: I worried myself sick for years wondering how Sydney and I would get through our old age financially. I hated the idea of getting a artificial knee. I wondered if the Mayans were right about 2012?
A lot of things don't matter to me anymore...because I can't fix them anymore and it is kinda nice not to be the fixer.....
So I say "be kind to everyone you meet because they are dying" But they don't believe they are dying so they will fix the potholes and handle the finances best they can and vote on matters that matter to them, until they find out none of it really matters.....Sound depressed? Not really, more disgusted with the resent turn of events...
Yesterday Sydney and I bought a dozen donuts and I ate six! Then for supper I had garlic bread and diet pot! Now that was a down day....At work tonight and the day is better.. Yesterday we had 9 inches of snow...I had been sad because I thought I might not see snow again and then in the morning it looked like God had taken his cake frosting gun to the trees and structures. Absolutely beautiful...now we are warming with a forcast of 70 degrees by Saturday and Sienna will be here with her own personal sunshine and Stephen is going to be in town and I have a lunch date on Sunday......
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Jimmy
When Francis died after a long illness it seemed my role of mother also died. Although I had other children they had achieved the independence that is the goal of parenting under normal circumstances.
I had avoided thinking about the inevitable time when my "nest would be empty and because my mothering was needed by my adult child, I didn't need to face the turning point until I was past fifty.
With empty arms and a broken heart I waded through the grieving process. I prayed for a purpose in my life. I accepted a nursing position on a pediatric unit and soon found my arms full of babies and children who needed me. I began to feel alive again.
I was drawn to a little boy with severe birth defects. Although he was 18 months old he weighed on 11 pounds and because of his spastic movements he was not easy to cuddle. I developed a way of wrapping him tight with a blanket so could relax a little we spent time together rocking and filling each other needs.
During that time I woke one night from a dream about my son's death and while I wept quietly into my pillow a thought came to me about my little patient. The next day when I arrived at the hospital, I pulled his chart and my heart skipped a beat as I saw the date of birth. March 24, 1989, the day my son had died.
My little patient also died, but my next wasn't empty any more.
Like the broken sparrow I took home when I was child, I took little Jimmy into my heart with intent to mend, repair and return the world. I can still see those little buck teeth and his mouth that was shaped in an expression of mischievous intent. When he was tickled about something he crooned and bobbed his head in a special way that always got him the attention he was looking for. He was so keenly aware of his environment that he could identify individuals entering his room on tip toe.
When the sparrow died, I stopped investing myself in matters of life that no future. Many sparrows passed through my life before I stopped turning my heart in the other direction. Jimmy, with his little broken body and special smile was one of many people who have given me the courage to take others into that special place of caring and compassion that differentiates nursing from other relationships. This nurse will always remember the Brown eyed child with the Howdy Doody grin that captured the heart of the pediatric department.
I had avoided thinking about the inevitable time when my "nest would be empty and because my mothering was needed by my adult child, I didn't need to face the turning point until I was past fifty.
With empty arms and a broken heart I waded through the grieving process. I prayed for a purpose in my life. I accepted a nursing position on a pediatric unit and soon found my arms full of babies and children who needed me. I began to feel alive again.
I was drawn to a little boy with severe birth defects. Although he was 18 months old he weighed on 11 pounds and because of his spastic movements he was not easy to cuddle. I developed a way of wrapping him tight with a blanket so could relax a little we spent time together rocking and filling each other needs.
During that time I woke one night from a dream about my son's death and while I wept quietly into my pillow a thought came to me about my little patient. The next day when I arrived at the hospital, I pulled his chart and my heart skipped a beat as I saw the date of birth. March 24, 1989, the day my son had died.
My little patient also died, but my next wasn't empty any more.
Like the broken sparrow I took home when I was child, I took little Jimmy into my heart with intent to mend, repair and return the world. I can still see those little buck teeth and his mouth that was shaped in an expression of mischievous intent. When he was tickled about something he crooned and bobbed his head in a special way that always got him the attention he was looking for. He was so keenly aware of his environment that he could identify individuals entering his room on tip toe.
When the sparrow died, I stopped investing myself in matters of life that no future. Many sparrows passed through my life before I stopped turning my heart in the other direction. Jimmy, with his little broken body and special smile was one of many people who have given me the courage to take others into that special place of caring and compassion that differentiates nursing from other relationships. This nurse will always remember the Brown eyed child with the Howdy Doody grin that captured the heart of the pediatric department.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Another way out
Boy just when you think you might have things figured out, you find you don't. All this thinking about if you know you have a terminal illness versus getting hit by a train.
Well the train didn't get me, and neither did the blood clot.
This weekend I had a pain in the calf of my leg and I suspected, being a nurse you know, that I might have a blood clot but, hey, whats the chances. Well this AM I noticed maybe the left leg seemed a little bigger...so I mentioned it to the radiologist who ordered an ultra sound.
Yup, big Deep Vein Thrombosis, DVT, the kind that killed my step son Daniel... The thing with those clots is that they move to the lung and then into heart.
So today I had the first of what will be daily injections of blood thinner in my BELLY! For the rest of my life they tell me. I will do my own injections so I will be able to travel.
So.....I went to bed worrying about dying from brain tumor,etc., etc., and I could have never had to go through cancer....I could have died in bed. But I didn't so I guess its a lot like the train.....why the hell worry about how it is going to happen, just know that it will someday, someway, and get on with the daily stuff.
Incidentally, the DVT had absolutely nothing to do with the Cancer.
I have 6 more brain treatments and 16 more lung treatments....then a full body scan and if no spread anywhere, I will not do chemo at this time.
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! I'm am very tired. My boss at the school asked me to work 10 hours this week. I said I would, but I may not....I've had some pissed off, anger type stuff boiling beneath the surface, but then I meet people and I think, "hell, everybody is just trying to survive"
I watched the LIFE show that Oprah is narrating, about insects, bugs, animals, mammals etc. How can anyone doubt a creator? What I doubt is that he needs my constant adoration or that he has much use for me after I leave here. But I could be wrong.....Church called tonight to see if I would join a group of writers, putting out things for the church. I turned them down.....Maybe computers in Heaven?
Well the train didn't get me, and neither did the blood clot.
This weekend I had a pain in the calf of my leg and I suspected, being a nurse you know, that I might have a blood clot but, hey, whats the chances. Well this AM I noticed maybe the left leg seemed a little bigger...so I mentioned it to the radiologist who ordered an ultra sound.
Yup, big Deep Vein Thrombosis, DVT, the kind that killed my step son Daniel... The thing with those clots is that they move to the lung and then into heart.
So today I had the first of what will be daily injections of blood thinner in my BELLY! For the rest of my life they tell me. I will do my own injections so I will be able to travel.
So.....I went to bed worrying about dying from brain tumor,etc., etc., and I could have never had to go through cancer....I could have died in bed. But I didn't so I guess its a lot like the train.....why the hell worry about how it is going to happen, just know that it will someday, someway, and get on with the daily stuff.
Incidentally, the DVT had absolutely nothing to do with the Cancer.
I have 6 more brain treatments and 16 more lung treatments....then a full body scan and if no spread anywhere, I will not do chemo at this time.
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! I'm am very tired. My boss at the school asked me to work 10 hours this week. I said I would, but I may not....I've had some pissed off, anger type stuff boiling beneath the surface, but then I meet people and I think, "hell, everybody is just trying to survive"
I watched the LIFE show that Oprah is narrating, about insects, bugs, animals, mammals etc. How can anyone doubt a creator? What I doubt is that he needs my constant adoration or that he has much use for me after I leave here. But I could be wrong.....Church called tonight to see if I would join a group of writers, putting out things for the church. I turned them down.....Maybe computers in Heaven?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Amanda times two
Well the first post was a screw up.
Amanda was a baby who was born with too many defects to survive, but she lived on the pediatric unit where I worked in 1990. We all fell in love with her.
I wrote this poem after she died, it was published and won an award, but I just like the way she went to heaven in my poem.
I hope you enjoy it.
Amanda ............bye, bye
Its quiet now....no beeping, no whirring, no mechanical bellows...
The struggle is done.
No arching and twisting to get the O2s...
The tethers are gone...
No strings to attach..
And the many mothers of Amanda scream silently......"NO!"
A gossamer substance seeps into the sterile corners and nooks...
The fat little cherub of valentine cards blends with the mist...
Lace filigree air fills the void...
Vapors of life rise,
And the many mothers of Amanda scream silently......."NO!"
Atoms and molecules take shape in the clouds.
A mother goose bird with a puggy young rider emerges.
The fat little fingers cling tight to the down,
And the many mothers of Amanda scream silently ......"NO!"
The frown on her forehead is wiped off by the breeze...
The rosebud mouth breaks into a smile that puffs out her cheeks,
Eyes twinkle.....as feathers and skin become one.....
And the many mothers of Amanda whisper silently..........."NO"
The wiggling toes turn up in delight and giggle sneaks out,
Now two, now some more....
She throws back her head and squeals with delight as
they circle the stars and drink milk from the "way".
And the many mothers of Amanda say quietly........"go"
The infant turns slowly....looks back at the earth,
She sits up on her own now,
no straps to restrain,
With straight wrists, like all babies, ...she waves...bye, bye
And the many mothers of Amanda say quietly.............."OH NO"
The bird prepares for descent....
The babe leans back...feet facing up front...face turned up to the sky,
and the maiden flight of her spirit begins......
And the many mothers of Amanda silently say............OH.
Amanda was a baby who was born with too many defects to survive, but she lived on the pediatric unit where I worked in 1990. We all fell in love with her.
I wrote this poem after she died, it was published and won an award, but I just like the way she went to heaven in my poem.
I hope you enjoy it.
Amanda ............bye, bye
Its quiet now....no beeping, no whirring, no mechanical bellows...
The struggle is done.
No arching and twisting to get the O2s...
The tethers are gone...
No strings to attach..
And the many mothers of Amanda scream silently......"NO!"
A gossamer substance seeps into the sterile corners and nooks...
The fat little cherub of valentine cards blends with the mist...
Lace filigree air fills the void...
Vapors of life rise,
And the many mothers of Amanda scream silently......."NO!"
Atoms and molecules take shape in the clouds.
A mother goose bird with a puggy young rider emerges.
The fat little fingers cling tight to the down,
And the many mothers of Amanda scream silently ......"NO!"
The frown on her forehead is wiped off by the breeze...
The rosebud mouth breaks into a smile that puffs out her cheeks,
Eyes twinkle.....as feathers and skin become one.....
And the many mothers of Amanda whisper silently..........."NO"
The wiggling toes turn up in delight and giggle sneaks out,
Now two, now some more....
She throws back her head and squeals with delight as
they circle the stars and drink milk from the "way".
And the many mothers of Amanda say quietly........"go"
The infant turns slowly....looks back at the earth,
She sits up on her own now,
no straps to restrain,
With straight wrists, like all babies, ...she waves...bye, bye
And the many mothers of Amanda say quietly.............."OH NO"
The bird prepares for descent....
The babe leans back...feet facing up front...face turned up to the sky,
and the maiden flight of her spirit begins......
And the many mothers of Amanda silently say............OH.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I dreamed a strange, frightening dream of danger and resignation. I was on an island of sorts, rather a resort or vacation type with several other people. The only person I could identify was Pascha. A great fear came over the island and I urged Pascha to run. Then evil (people?) began landing on the shores and we retreated to the house and closed the shutters. I seemed to know it was fruitless to hide because our capture was ineveitable, but I retreated further into a room and began frantically trying to fit myself into cupboards and drawers. I found an old rug and scrunched down in a corner behind a rocker, but I knew "they" would "know" I was there. I also knew I would never see Pascah again but that he was swift and clever and was safe somewhere.
I heard voices in the house. The enemy was just outside the door. Then I felt a kind of peaceful resignation. I carefully arranged all the rugs on the floor, sat down in the rocker, straightened my hair and my clothes and drew myself into a dignified pose and mood. I waited, knowing it be a peaceful encounter without violence.
The door opened and a woman said; "Frauline Carol?"
"yes," I replied.
She said; "It is time."
This dream was recorded in a journal I wrote in on June 7, 1989.
More stuff like this coming.
I heard voices in the house. The enemy was just outside the door. Then I felt a kind of peaceful resignation. I carefully arranged all the rugs on the floor, sat down in the rocker, straightened my hair and my clothes and drew myself into a dignified pose and mood. I waited, knowing it be a peaceful encounter without violence.
The door opened and a woman said; "Frauline Carol?"
"yes," I replied.
She said; "It is time."
This dream was recorded in a journal I wrote in on June 7, 1989.
More stuff like this coming.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Cleaning out the file cabinet
Here is a thing I wrote about twenty years ago: Your interpretation of it is the right one: No matter what..
The compassionates
As though entities, the memories are clutched close.
Like talismen,they are drug along the paths that are trudged.
Occasionally, briefly, ... sat aside...while intentions are renewed.
They are burdens, quickly scooped up if approached too closely.
Social identities lost with the death set adrift and
attachments diminish reluctantly as recognition decreases.
Grief, carried deep in the heartland, decomposes the image
and unwilling detachment occurs.....till
the unrecognizable pain is abandoned.
MORE TO COME AS I GO THROUGH OLD JOURNALS ETC.,
The compassionates
As though entities, the memories are clutched close.
Like talismen,they are drug along the paths that are trudged.
Occasionally, briefly, ... sat aside...while intentions are renewed.
They are burdens, quickly scooped up if approached too closely.
Social identities lost with the death set adrift and
attachments diminish reluctantly as recognition decreases.
Grief, carried deep in the heartland, decomposes the image
and unwilling detachment occurs.....till
the unrecognizable pain is abandoned.
MORE TO COME AS I GO THROUGH OLD JOURNALS ETC.,
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The Last picture show
My friend and I met two days in a row to see Alice in Wonderland. The times for the matinee started with the first showing at 12:00 noon. Both days, we found the theater did not open until 3:30. Now we don't want to see it anyway...? Went to macaroni house and had a non-American pizza that was sure good, better because my friend let me have the lion's share and then paid the bill.
While I was out today, the School for the Deaf and Blind called and asked me to work on Saturday for 6 hours. I agreed because all the meds will be passed by 9 AM and there are no tube feeders on campus that day....so a little money in my pocket and I still have the job that I really like. Other than being a little slower, Tired from the radiation, there is no reason I can't do that...
This week I finished the whole-brain radiation treatment and I have to say I really haven't noticed any side effects, other than the fact that my forehead is like sunburned. Today the nurse gave me a gel dressing to put on it and it sure feels better already. I am a sight to see. The bald part of my head is very white, the forehead is pretty rusty looking, my face is has the roundness of a steroid patient, and if I take my partial out,that does it! My friend is making me knit hats on a wheel thing. I have a blue and a white for dress up now. What would I do without friends? Another friend called to day to invite me to go walking on the trail with our dogs. I'm not sure I am up to that, but I am up to trying someday when the wind is not blowing 70 miles an hour. Today was gloomy, windy and just kind depressing so I spent most of it cat napping in the recliner...Felt good.
Yesterday I started the concentrated brain tumor radiation. Five to Seven zaps from different angles. Will do that until the 20th of April. Then we'll see what's next.
I constantly am looking for here after stories and signs and proof. Been thinking about the light switch in our rooms. You push the switch off and all the light is gone, but push it on and it comes back....Is it the same light? Where was it? What was it doing? Is it a different? Do we all go to a source like that when we die? One big electrical/magnetic bit of energy called God and then when someone needs us, we zip into the wall switch and help? Well,what about the light bulb that won't light anymore? Is that a dead body? What about batteries? Well anyway I wouldn't want the rest of you to stop your pondering.
While I was out today, the School for the Deaf and Blind called and asked me to work on Saturday for 6 hours. I agreed because all the meds will be passed by 9 AM and there are no tube feeders on campus that day....so a little money in my pocket and I still have the job that I really like. Other than being a little slower, Tired from the radiation, there is no reason I can't do that...
This week I finished the whole-brain radiation treatment and I have to say I really haven't noticed any side effects, other than the fact that my forehead is like sunburned. Today the nurse gave me a gel dressing to put on it and it sure feels better already. I am a sight to see. The bald part of my head is very white, the forehead is pretty rusty looking, my face is has the roundness of a steroid patient, and if I take my partial out,that does it! My friend is making me knit hats on a wheel thing. I have a blue and a white for dress up now. What would I do without friends? Another friend called to day to invite me to go walking on the trail with our dogs. I'm not sure I am up to that, but I am up to trying someday when the wind is not blowing 70 miles an hour. Today was gloomy, windy and just kind depressing so I spent most of it cat napping in the recliner...Felt good.
Yesterday I started the concentrated brain tumor radiation. Five to Seven zaps from different angles. Will do that until the 20th of April. Then we'll see what's next.
I constantly am looking for here after stories and signs and proof. Been thinking about the light switch in our rooms. You push the switch off and all the light is gone, but push it on and it comes back....Is it the same light? Where was it? What was it doing? Is it a different? Do we all go to a source like that when we die? One big electrical/magnetic bit of energy called God and then when someone needs us, we zip into the wall switch and help? Well,what about the light bulb that won't light anymore? Is that a dead body? What about batteries? Well anyway I wouldn't want the rest of you to stop your pondering.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Some Days are Diamonds!
Yesterday was the best day since Feb. 28th, Wonders all day...First Syd and I went to take our motor home out of winter storage, which is a springtime celebration anyway you look at it, but I had the dogs in the truck and when Sydney nosed the camper out of the building the dogs both started howling...good times ahead I guess.
Then I stopped at friends house and she had salmon,asparagus,fresh strawberries for supper....spring food!
But best of the day was ahead. I had a book club meeting in Ulm and as I hit the freeway near the airport I was listening to June Carter and Johnny Cash....
"I'll be waiting on the far side of banks of Jordan, sitting drawing pictures in the sand. And when I see you coming I will rise up with a shout and come walking through the shallow water reaching for your hand." By the time June Carter was singing "will the circle be unbroken" I was driving 90 miles an hour. The view was incredible, of course square butte and the other mountains, but they were painted with a blue misty fog and I had such a longing to just keep driving to some place where I would be alone with all my thoughts and questions and no one would ever know that I was not well...
My friend, who lives in a white two story farm house, with a white fence around it, in the middle of the prairie with two beautiful spaniels and horses and a handsome husband with manners, had laid out nuts and crackers with cheese and coffee and cream and some kind of exotic berry cobbler was, as usual, the perfect hostess, and the other ladies....well, I got to say it is the most fun I have had all month...just regular talk and no subject taboo and not pretense.....what a day off. I sure needed that. The trip home was equally satisfying. I think it is the first time I have actually driven the truck and I felt free for awhile.
Grab the good times while you may. Don't overlook any little blessing. Bitch if you want.
Then I stopped at friends house and she had salmon,asparagus,fresh strawberries for supper....spring food!
But best of the day was ahead. I had a book club meeting in Ulm and as I hit the freeway near the airport I was listening to June Carter and Johnny Cash....
"I'll be waiting on the far side of banks of Jordan, sitting drawing pictures in the sand. And when I see you coming I will rise up with a shout and come walking through the shallow water reaching for your hand." By the time June Carter was singing "will the circle be unbroken" I was driving 90 miles an hour. The view was incredible, of course square butte and the other mountains, but they were painted with a blue misty fog and I had such a longing to just keep driving to some place where I would be alone with all my thoughts and questions and no one would ever know that I was not well...
My friend, who lives in a white two story farm house, with a white fence around it, in the middle of the prairie with two beautiful spaniels and horses and a handsome husband with manners, had laid out nuts and crackers with cheese and coffee and cream and some kind of exotic berry cobbler was, as usual, the perfect hostess, and the other ladies....well, I got to say it is the most fun I have had all month...just regular talk and no subject taboo and not pretense.....what a day off. I sure needed that. The trip home was equally satisfying. I think it is the first time I have actually driven the truck and I felt free for awhile.
Grab the good times while you may. Don't overlook any little blessing. Bitch if you want.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Dream
Here is the dream: Go to Google and look up White Owl legends.
Francis,my son who died 21 years ago is in bed in two different rooms. In the first room he does not respond to any stimuli, appears dead. In the next room when I say his name he opens his eyes and turns his head toward me. I tell him we are going to bring his owl to his bedside. We, I'm not sure who else was there, bring a huge white owl up to his bed and he is talking with the owl and appears alert and well. I woke up at that point.
Much of the legends have to do with the owl signifying death....but there was Francis after 21 years, up and at em.
More later, Carol
Francis,my son who died 21 years ago is in bed in two different rooms. In the first room he does not respond to any stimuli, appears dead. In the next room when I say his name he opens his eyes and turns his head toward me. I tell him we are going to bring his owl to his bedside. We, I'm not sure who else was there, bring a huge white owl up to his bed and he is talking with the owl and appears alert and well. I woke up at that point.
Much of the legends have to do with the owl signifying death....but there was Francis after 21 years, up and at em.
More later, Carol
Sunday, April 4, 2010
EASTER!
He is risen, or so many believe..I think, Mothers especially, mark the years with holiday memories. You know,1961,that was the year that we didn't find the egg under the bathroom plunger and it began to smell in May. Or 1959, the year that Danette was born on Easter Monday. When we went to church on Easter I had nothing that fit so I wore my bathrobe under my coat. There were Easter egg hunts at parks, I have a pic of Pascha 1984 with a basket with ET in it. Francis is in the pic too. We lived in an apartment then....no eggs hidden in the yard. One year I made matching outfits for Francis and Danette and the picture shows Gardner in a white shirt, white tennis shoes and a tie, and Patty is all dressed up in a two piece suit. She must have been about 13. Angela, Danette's girl, wears a wide brim hat at the church in Clear Lake where she and Pascha hunted eggs in 1985, Another Easter,Francis died on Good Friday. I sat on a bench outside the hospital in the rain and said to God, "OK." and when I went into the building they were paging me. I held Francis in my arms and shushed him to death. Not too many Mothers get to hold them first and last in life, if that's something to brag about. Anyway, his memorial was on Easter Sunday at the little Clear Lake Church. I rode to Spokane with Patty and Pascha and Sydney went by train with the huge bunny that took up a seat of its own. Sydney brought that bunny from Great Falls for Francis. Francis was 27 years old and we gave him a teddy bear?
So Easter 2010....That was the year that we went to too much church. We started out at St. Joseph's for the last supper rites,went Blessed Sacrament for Good Friday and over to Holy Family for the Easter vigil.. The ceremony at Holy Family started at 9pm and we didn't get home till almost midnight. Pascha and Sienna left early, although she was very,very good for the long service. I will say, 2010..that's the year that Stephen's family and Pascha and Sienna came home for Easter. We went out to eat at Golden Corral, the Prospectors, and more. I never been so full of food in all my life....what a celebration of good times! Sienna got two easter baskets, the bigger kids went on a shopping spree and egg hunts in our back yard with money in the eggs and Buford got a brown bunny to chew up. Today, Easter, Sydney is baking a ham and the trimmings and our friends Kathy and Cadet will be eating with us and I think that is the last of the feast.
Now, tomorrow when the bunnies, ducks, geese and eggs and candles are put in their box in the basement.....Will there be another Easter? Should I put a note in the box or is that creating scenarios? Seems like a lot of things might be the last, but then they might just be the year that Mom had no hair and wore those silly hats everywhere we went.
I'm beginning to feel the radiation. Everything thing is an effort now. Just laying around seems harder. So I will probably be prone for the next month....then we'll see, I'm glad Easter came before I got too tired. 2010 Will go done in our family as the best ever Easter and yes I believe he rose from dead!
So Easter 2010....That was the year that we went to too much church. We started out at St. Joseph's for the last supper rites,went Blessed Sacrament for Good Friday and over to Holy Family for the Easter vigil.. The ceremony at Holy Family started at 9pm and we didn't get home till almost midnight. Pascha and Sienna left early, although she was very,very good for the long service. I will say, 2010..that's the year that Stephen's family and Pascha and Sienna came home for Easter. We went out to eat at Golden Corral, the Prospectors, and more. I never been so full of food in all my life....what a celebration of good times! Sienna got two easter baskets, the bigger kids went on a shopping spree and egg hunts in our back yard with money in the eggs and Buford got a brown bunny to chew up. Today, Easter, Sydney is baking a ham and the trimmings and our friends Kathy and Cadet will be eating with us and I think that is the last of the feast.
Now, tomorrow when the bunnies, ducks, geese and eggs and candles are put in their box in the basement.....Will there be another Easter? Should I put a note in the box or is that creating scenarios? Seems like a lot of things might be the last, but then they might just be the year that Mom had no hair and wore those silly hats everywhere we went.
I'm beginning to feel the radiation. Everything thing is an effort now. Just laying around seems harder. So I will probably be prone for the next month....then we'll see, I'm glad Easter came before I got too tired. 2010 Will go done in our family as the best ever Easter and yes I believe he rose from dead!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Holy Thursday thoughts
For those of you who are not Catholic and don't know how the ritual is done on that day I want to share a few thoughts with you. I don't mean to elevate my situation to that of the biblical story of Christ's last supper, but I enjoy the process of identification with Jesus as a human. Here he is supposed to know from whence he came and where he is going and yet in the very moments of his deepest thoughts about going through the valley of death he too called out to God and said, "if this cup can pass, I don't want to do it anymore", but if it is your will than let it be done. Well Isn't that where we all are? Another interesting item is that the disciples who were supposed to be supporting Jesus in the Garden that night fell asleep because they exhausted themselves grieving. Grief, I think, is really a kind of selfish thing. I mean who are you crying for but yourself, your loss, your feelings, etc. Well that may not always be true. When Francis died my tears seemed to be for his lost future, but if he was headed to another place, better, or non-existence, he didn't need any tears, there were mind.
The priests come up the aisle at the opening of the services with incense that they spread around the people and the altar etc. I thought about that being like spiritual radiation and said to myself, Waff some of that good stuff right over here.
Then there was the bringing of the oils that had been blessed on the MOnday before. The first of the oils is for the blessing of the sick during the year. I looked at the little bottle of oil and thought, Heck I want a bath in that stuff, there isn't enough there!
On this celebration of the last supper, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples to show them humility and and to show them that they must be servants too. Yesterday, twelve individuals were invited up to the altar to sit in a chair and bare their feet and the bishop and other priests came forward and washed they feet. One of the persons getting their feet washed was my oncologist. My own little catholic doctor.
I have know this doctor for almost 20 years. We worked at Hospice together for 10 years. He is a good man, a good doctor and I feel especially blessed to have him taking care of me.
Today - Good Friday - is all about death - but with a promise of Easter around the corner.
Family is here - egg dying, church, dinner out, etc. HOPE IS IN THE AIR...and proof in the camera.
The priests come up the aisle at the opening of the services with incense that they spread around the people and the altar etc. I thought about that being like spiritual radiation and said to myself, Waff some of that good stuff right over here.
Then there was the bringing of the oils that had been blessed on the MOnday before. The first of the oils is for the blessing of the sick during the year. I looked at the little bottle of oil and thought, Heck I want a bath in that stuff, there isn't enough there!
On this celebration of the last supper, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples to show them humility and and to show them that they must be servants too. Yesterday, twelve individuals were invited up to the altar to sit in a chair and bare their feet and the bishop and other priests came forward and washed they feet. One of the persons getting their feet washed was my oncologist. My own little catholic doctor.
I have know this doctor for almost 20 years. We worked at Hospice together for 10 years. He is a good man, a good doctor and I feel especially blessed to have him taking care of me.
Today - Good Friday - is all about death - but with a promise of Easter around the corner.
Family is here - egg dying, church, dinner out, etc. HOPE IS IN THE AIR...and proof in the camera.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Good days
Yesterday I started the lung radiation. Just a note about that. The big round, looks like a magnifying glass that is rotated over me to dispense the radiation into the just tattooed part of my chest, then rotates under the table and shoots the rest of the beam up through my back...Feels like star wars in the room.
My bandages from the hospital have been removed and I have two Sponge Bob band aides and enjoyed a wonderful shower.
We took Molly to see the dams and then decided to drive to Havre to an Indian Casino. We went through Fort Benton where my parents were married and it is a very historical town...from the highway I could see Square Butte and I enjoyed memories about Geraldine and my cowgirl days. I really enjoyed the landscape...Ugly, brown, dirty, black barked trees that have wintered into ugly branches...muddy Marias river, but all what Montana is. The sky was tremendous.....blue, blue and filled with puffy white clouds that could be imagined into shapes...We had a wonderful slice of pizza and Molly had a glass of wine at the Casino. I won 17 dollars, but then lost but Molly won 56 dollars, so we got off pretty cheap. On the way home there were many different kinds of weather playing out across the sky. One area would be raining and the sun was beaming down the other side. We stopped at Kathy's for coffee and then went to Borries for a steak sandwich. Quite a wonderful day!
Today the Banich's arrive, and tomorrow Sienna, so the girls and I will dye eggs and we will all go to church today, Friday and Saturday and out to the Golden Corral on Saturday and an egg hunt in Gibson Park on Saturday. A busy schedule! Life is good today.
My bandages from the hospital have been removed and I have two Sponge Bob band aides and enjoyed a wonderful shower.
We took Molly to see the dams and then decided to drive to Havre to an Indian Casino. We went through Fort Benton where my parents were married and it is a very historical town...from the highway I could see Square Butte and I enjoyed memories about Geraldine and my cowgirl days. I really enjoyed the landscape...Ugly, brown, dirty, black barked trees that have wintered into ugly branches...muddy Marias river, but all what Montana is. The sky was tremendous.....blue, blue and filled with puffy white clouds that could be imagined into shapes...We had a wonderful slice of pizza and Molly had a glass of wine at the Casino. I won 17 dollars, but then lost but Molly won 56 dollars, so we got off pretty cheap. On the way home there were many different kinds of weather playing out across the sky. One area would be raining and the sun was beaming down the other side. We stopped at Kathy's for coffee and then went to Borries for a steak sandwich. Quite a wonderful day!
Today the Banich's arrive, and tomorrow Sienna, so the girls and I will dye eggs and we will all go to church today, Friday and Saturday and out to the Golden Corral on Saturday and an egg hunt in Gibson Park on Saturday. A busy schedule! Life is good today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)