update

Doctor appointment went well today. Blood work find, nothing suspect anywhere. Doc said if the woodpecker would stay away with the small steroid dose, go for it. He doesn't take me very serious.
My pet peeve for the day, as usual, is the editorial mistakes in the Tribune that are obvious proof reader's misses. Today, especially, I was appalled to see the header calling the state a "nation" in our union. I can't believe the Tribune let me go because my computer skills were inadequate. I guess the person they hired in my place knows how to use spell check? Apparently, that's all.
Working tonight at the MSDB. Pascha called last night to tell me about the wonders of a bucket and a shovel and the beach when you are four years old. They are having a good time. Wish I was there. Thinking about squeezing in a Yellowstone trip in Sept.
Be grateful for the day given to you.

Hell might not be so bad

This week is looking better, but last week was not something you write home about, or write blogs about.
Sydney, fueled by fear, was a raging bull most of the time, and when I threw the TV remote at him and hit his close to his surgical site, it was a nasty fight. He threatened to call 911. I hated to see him pack off in the paddy wagon so I'm glad he didn't.
The next day, just as I had put my pjs on, he said "Carol you better take me to the emergency room" by the time I was dressed and ready to go he decided he was ok. Seems he couldn't get his breath because he came up the stairs too fast.
Meanwhile, Pascha and Sienna are packing for our summer vacation, which is no longer "our" vacation. Pascah and Sienna left for the Oregon coast on Friday.
Sydney can't drive for one more week, but he has been cooking a little and tending to the flowers a little...this week is better.
I am looking forward to a "book club" retreat in the mountains this next weekend, just us girls.....
I was trying to get off my steroids, I don't know why because the insurance covers them and it is a small 4mg a day dose...anyway, every time I try to reduce them I get strange "brain" side effects. at least that's what I think they are...one thing is a auditory noise, like a knocking....woodpecker...etc. lasts about 3 mins. Happened twice....also I had one day of numbness and tingling on right side....pretty bad, for about 3 minutes, but like twice an hour. Stopped now that I am back on my steroid. I also discovered that the Holy Spirit, called the comforter, can make the woodpecker go away.
My biggest stress this past week was a change in my email, because I had an ugly virus. I hate changes...
Well, hell, I have a doctor appointment this week, so I'll tell him about the woodpecker.....might have to have cat scan...Also going to see the dermatologist. Think I have two skin cancers on my cheek.
Next blog should full of better stuff. I have days where I am sorry that anyone, including Sydney, had to know I had cancer. I would like to take my camper and go park it somewhere where no one could find me...and then I could ponder things better, but here I am, where I am supposed to be....so....I'm back to work. Went through 40 hour orientation last week. Pretty dambed tiring, but now I am scheduled to work only one evening a week unless someone is ill. I guess Iller than me!
Counting my blessings didn't take too long last week. My list will be longer next time.

progress?

The hard part of taking care of someone post-op cardiac surgery is the emotional support. The husband is doing well physically, well mostly, he isn't exercising his arm like he was told, which may be why he still has some pain on that side of his chest. I would think it would be like when I had to do arm exercises after my lymph nodes were removed. It was uncomfortable, but I did it in the shower and it seemed to help. Well don't try to tell mister anything!
But the real support he needs is emotional, and I don't have much to give. He complains that his summer is almost over and he didn't get to fish or travel and I think, "yea, mine too, and it could be my last summer." I don't say it (often) because he thinks I will make it happen if I speak it, my death that is.
I'm feeling hopeful, but I also am feeling weak and tired most of the time and it seems that after three to four months I should be getting stronger. Well my hair is growing! I go to the oncologist next week. He's the one who told me he couldn't justify giving me any chemo if I didn't have cancer. I was thinking preventative type treatment. Guess they don't do that.
It has been two weeks since husband's surgery. He laments the loss of barbecued pork ribs, rib steaks, fried eggs and bacon and every thing else he has ever lived for. He looks at the food ads on TV and cries. But he did get dressed and went to the grocery stor6 yesterday. He can't drive for two more weeks. I think that will liberate his mood too.
I am at work. This is my third day and I am feeling it. This week is orientation week so it is a 40 hour work week. I will only work one day a week after that, except for an occasional substitution shift. I will be glad when this week is done. I am pretty tired. Later Carol

rain in the summer

Today it is raining in Great Falls and maybe snowing a little in Glacier Park. The rain is apropos for my mental state. I am depressed about the changes in our summer plans. Sydney is home and doing well and beginning to cuss about the menu changes and beginning to miss his chewing tobacco. I am scheduled for a full week or orientation for the coming school year at Montana School for the Deaf and Blind. I'm not sure I want to return to work, but I like money and it is nice to get out and see others, so we'll see how it goes.
Life sure happens when you least expect it. I won't be any ones hero this week. I am disappointed and ungrateful for the extra time that I am being gifted with. I feel guilty for wasting any part of any day, but I have been...More happiness messages next time.

update

well, Sydney is doing good today. Yesterday he was in so much pain his legs were thrashing and he was unable to even moan because he was on the respirator. Today he is sitting in a chair watching Jeopardy and complaining. It is amazing what a difference 24 hours can make. I expect him to come home either over the weekend or Monday. I have a bad virus on my main computer so I won't be blogging till I get it fixed. Sydney welcomes phone calls starting on the 10th. We still hope to travel to Oregon in Sept. Thanks for the love and prayers that we have felt. Carol

sugery today

Hi, I'm sitting in the Benefis surgical waiting area. Today, Tuesday, Sydney went to surgery at 7:30n am. They have very nice accommodations for family. I am in a private area and there is a phone here where they call from surgery to keep me posted on progress. They are now, at 10:30, harvesting the arterial graphs. Sydney is not on the heart and lung bypass machine yet. They will call when they do that and then again when they have him back on his own heart. I expect he will return to his room upstairs about 3pm with a respirator. A few hours after that, when he can be alert enough to breath on his own they will take the tube from his throat and he may even have to take a step or two this evening.
He was really scared Saturday, but coming to the hospital a couple of days early gave him a chance to ask lots of questions and look at a heart model etc., so he was ready to go this am.
Maybe too ready. He wasn't sure he wanted cpr if needed. I asked him why and he said that way he wouldn't know when he died and wouldn't have to go through that. I think his big fear is the passing process, not the destination!
The surgical nurse just called to say Sydney is now on the heart and lung bypass and that she will call me when he is back on his own system, but it will be awhile because he has so many grafts to do.

Yesterday Gardner decided Sydney should get to see Beuford, our beagle dog before his surgery. He brought Beuford in the first floor and the security guard asked him if the dog was registered (he meant as a therapy dog) and Gardner assured him he was (he meant a registered beagle). Anyway Gardner took the dog to the Cardiovasularunit upstairs and when Beuford saw Sydney he started his loud baying and Gardner and the dog were asked to leave, but Sydney was so pleased everyone thought it was worth it.

I will try to post this evening, just to know all is going as expected, as I think it will.

PS Yesterday I poisoned myself on fair food: chocolate ice cream dip, popcorn, cotton candy, peanut brittle, shaved ice, corn dog, etc.

PPS On Saturday I got health care giver CPR certification renewal with a 100 percent score. Sure glad I didn't have to use my skills on Sydney. I am scheduled to return to work at the deaf and blind school on the 16th. I'll just have to see how that goes, with Sydney and all. His sister may come to be with him that week.

weekend activities

On Thurs., Sydney decided he wanted a third opinion, maybe 4th? but he kept having reoccurring chest discomfort.
By Friday he had lost his spot on the surgery schedule and was scheduled for Aug. 18th. He continued to have intermittent chest pains,or pressure, or funny stuff. At one point I think he was about to cry. I tried to talk him into going to the hospital by ambulance, but he was embarrassed...Wouldn't let me drive him there either, but agreed that if he felt bad in the morning he would go. Then he got up and shaved and brushed his teeth, just in case.
The next morning he felt better....thought he might go over to the ER after he got his taxes done. By now I am thinking I'll just kill him. It will be a lot cheaper.
So Kathy I went to church and he was at her house watching TV. When we got back he said, "I think I should go to the hospital, but I need to go home and take a shower first." Sure you do, I thought. He had taken two nitro glycerin with no relief. So we put him in Kathy's car and went straight to the ER.
This morning,Sunday, he has had his third opinion and a nice breakfast and some education up on the cardiac floor about the surgery that is probably going to be Weds. I'm on my way to see him and I assume they will keep him until Weds.
I'm on my way to Barnes and Noble cause I think I am going to have some time to sit and read.