Hi, well I'm trying to bring some Christmas into our house...manager scenes and angles etc.
I'm rethinking this hereafter stuff. I don't like the idea of fading into the cosmos with no recollection of being here. For thousands of years, people smarter than I have bought the Nativity story and the heavenly home of God. Who am I to dispute any of that wise thinking? So I've decided that even if I am wrong I would rather spend my last years on earth looking forward to heaven and those gone on before me than nothing. If I am wrong, so be it. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy this winter season.
We have lots of snow and it is beautiful, very holidayish, and I have some Christmas Carols on the TV.
We really had a wonderful Thanksgiving. All of my prayers were answered and we were with people who care about us. The white meat on the turkey was moist and wonderful as were the pies etc.
I am so grateful that Kathy and I are still together in our old age.
My next writing project is to write about a line of reception waiting for me in heaven. I don't know when I will get it done, but I think most folks will enjoy it.
I go Thursday for my second chemo...no side effects yet! I just am so pooped out. For every 10 minutes I'm upright, I need to spend 10 minutes prone. O well.......
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Chemo
Well, yesterday was the first of the chemo treatments. I think the plan is to skip next week as it is Thanksgiving and then have another treatment on the first Thursday in December.
Here is how the day went.....first some blood work in the lab....then on to talk with the doctor. We looked at the MRI on the computer and the brain looks like it is under control. The lung mass in the lymph area of my right lung is growing and that will be the recipient of the chemo. I do notice some side effects. When I lay down at night it takes 5-10 good breaths for me to get my air. I also have some pleurisy discomfort. Not bad though, none of it so far.
Yesterday I had a 2 and a 1/2 hour infusion of Taxol, which is a chemo they get from the bark of yew trees, I'm told not to expect too many side effects. Probably some light nausea, which I have pills for, hair loss (o well) and some tingling in my hands and feet.
Before the nurse begins the infusion of the chemo she gives me a big syringe of avian and a couple of medium sized benedryl filled syrings. So I slept like a baby through the two hour infusion, expect for the part where I had to get up to pee and kinda wet my pants and almost fell over.....had to be held all the way to bathroom. So next time no latte before therapy.
I may work tomorrow, part time, Everyone over there is going to the Griz/bobcat game in missoula. I can use the money. Doctor says I'll probably be pretty tired this weekend, but the heavy duty kids with medical problems will be off campus so it should be very light work. I have a training session next weds. and then off for the thanksgiving holiday. Sienna will be here tonight until Monday and then her family will bring her back to great falls for the next weekend. I'm hoping we can get a pic of Santa Claus while she is here.
I called about a short haired tuxedo cat this morning. We'll see. Take care, don't worry...things look pretty good for now.
Here is how the day went.....first some blood work in the lab....then on to talk with the doctor. We looked at the MRI on the computer and the brain looks like it is under control. The lung mass in the lymph area of my right lung is growing and that will be the recipient of the chemo. I do notice some side effects. When I lay down at night it takes 5-10 good breaths for me to get my air. I also have some pleurisy discomfort. Not bad though, none of it so far.
Yesterday I had a 2 and a 1/2 hour infusion of Taxol, which is a chemo they get from the bark of yew trees, I'm told not to expect too many side effects. Probably some light nausea, which I have pills for, hair loss (o well) and some tingling in my hands and feet.
Before the nurse begins the infusion of the chemo she gives me a big syringe of avian and a couple of medium sized benedryl filled syrings. So I slept like a baby through the two hour infusion, expect for the part where I had to get up to pee and kinda wet my pants and almost fell over.....had to be held all the way to bathroom. So next time no latte before therapy.
I may work tomorrow, part time, Everyone over there is going to the Griz/bobcat game in missoula. I can use the money. Doctor says I'll probably be pretty tired this weekend, but the heavy duty kids with medical problems will be off campus so it should be very light work. I have a training session next weds. and then off for the thanksgiving holiday. Sienna will be here tonight until Monday and then her family will bring her back to great falls for the next weekend. I'm hoping we can get a pic of Santa Claus while she is here.
I called about a short haired tuxedo cat this morning. We'll see. Take care, don't worry...things look pretty good for now.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
a story of joy
First let me tell you that I tried to post a pic of me with my new hair. Ain't really worth looking at and I guess I'll lose it soon anyway.
The story - When Francis was diagnosis with liver failure in 1977 his doctor said "who knows, they may be able to do liver transplants someday". Those transplants became experimental and insurance companies would not pay for them. It was hard for Francis to have insurance with pre-existing rules etc., but he did finally get Blue Cross on his employers benefits.
Then he lost that insurance, but his doctor continued to care for him and to encourage us to hope for successul transplant operations.
He applied for an evaluation at Baylor in Texas in 1988 and had purchased his plane tickets to leave in December. I got a call from the finance office to remind me that in addition to his insurance coverage he would need to bring about $40,000 co-pay. We never saw $40,000 in our lives, so we just went home. Over the next year he continued to deteriorate and he died in the spring of 1989. The day that he died several humong refugees who had gotten into a bad crop of mushrooms receieved liver transplants.
BUT, in 1968 some friends of mine had a little girl. She was the proverbial little girl with a curl who was very good when she was good and very bad when she was bad.
She grew up and got into drugs and the underworld and during that time gave birth to a daughter who was infected with her mother's hepatitis. Last week the daughter was in Stanford University and with just days left to live, (she is only 16), she received a liver transplant. I just love that outcome. Hope you do too.
The story - When Francis was diagnosis with liver failure in 1977 his doctor said "who knows, they may be able to do liver transplants someday". Those transplants became experimental and insurance companies would not pay for them. It was hard for Francis to have insurance with pre-existing rules etc., but he did finally get Blue Cross on his employers benefits.
Then he lost that insurance, but his doctor continued to care for him and to encourage us to hope for successul transplant operations.
He applied for an evaluation at Baylor in Texas in 1988 and had purchased his plane tickets to leave in December. I got a call from the finance office to remind me that in addition to his insurance coverage he would need to bring about $40,000 co-pay. We never saw $40,000 in our lives, so we just went home. Over the next year he continued to deteriorate and he died in the spring of 1989. The day that he died several humong refugees who had gotten into a bad crop of mushrooms receieved liver transplants.
BUT, in 1968 some friends of mine had a little girl. She was the proverbial little girl with a curl who was very good when she was good and very bad when she was bad.
She grew up and got into drugs and the underworld and during that time gave birth to a daughter who was infected with her mother's hepatitis. Last week the daughter was in Stanford University and with just days left to live, (she is only 16), she received a liver transplant. I just love that outcome. Hope you do too.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Happy days are here again!
What a week....Monday....MRI and CAT, Tuesday talked with Dr. Warr who handed me off to Dr. Martin who will be my new oncologist. Spit up a large, cherry size blood clot on Weds. Dr. Martin put me on a cough syrup with narc. to suppress coughing and dislodging another clot and also just for "in case" an antibiotic. He agreed we would start chemo next week after the bleeding settled down. He also explained that if there was a large clot dislodged I could bleed out. You know, John Wayne and other cowboys who tried to hide the fact they were coughing up blood.
Now the thing was the MRI of the brain did not show any growth or cancer and yet I began developing strange symptoms. What used to be woodpeckers in my head were now garbage can wars of clanging and banging that lasted about 2-3 minutes. On Friday I had five episodes of tingling and lost ability to make words for 2-3 minutes. Called Dr. Martin who changed my steroids from 2 to 8 twice a day and said call if things don't get better. So about 9:30 last night Sydney and I went to the ER. I came home about 2:30 AM. Dr. in ER looked up the pro-time lab work that was done on Thursday and discovered I was out of the range of therapy. He thought maybe the brain tumor which is rotting (necrotizing) from the inside may have developed a bleed and maybe the lung blood was because of the too high bleeding time. So I'm off the coumadin (rat poison) for the weekend and then start a different dose this next week. I have bruises all over my arms too, so I think that is what happened. I got some much wanted Oxygen in the hospital and today has been much, much better. I can't have oxygen at home until I desaturated to 87 because medicare won't pay. I have been at 89 so far. When I loose the ability to make words, I wonder if I can use sign language? I'm going to check it out next time. I spoke with the ER doctor about my fear that I will lose my speech permanently and/or have a seizure. He told me those things will happen.....So that is the medical story.
Have any of you heard about Steven Hawkings ? He is a brilliant physicist who developed the big bang and black hole theories (at least I believe he developed them.
Well, he says our brain is a computer and when the plug is pulled out the computer is dead. So if the computer is my brain, I am connected to the WWW, for now by codes and addresses, but like the universal consciousness, I am one with all. I kinda like that theory, but he doesn't call the power "God". I think I do. The other thing about that is that if the computer if found later and a "techie" brings up the old programs, that would be like reincarnation? Maybe.
The other thing, and I don't want you to think I have been sleeping in a fox hole this week, I have been thinking about GOD. What makes me think that my one opinion of a creator is the right one. How about all the educated, learned men and women over the centuries who have stuck to the God, Jesus, Holy Ghost theory. Am I wiser than them? And what if each of get the here after that we have created in our time here on earth? How will you design your heaven? Do you want one?
Lots of things think about.
I would request emails rather than phone calls because I am so short of breath right now. Thanks.
Now the thing was the MRI of the brain did not show any growth or cancer and yet I began developing strange symptoms. What used to be woodpeckers in my head were now garbage can wars of clanging and banging that lasted about 2-3 minutes. On Friday I had five episodes of tingling and lost ability to make words for 2-3 minutes. Called Dr. Martin who changed my steroids from 2 to 8 twice a day and said call if things don't get better. So about 9:30 last night Sydney and I went to the ER. I came home about 2:30 AM. Dr. in ER looked up the pro-time lab work that was done on Thursday and discovered I was out of the range of therapy. He thought maybe the brain tumor which is rotting (necrotizing) from the inside may have developed a bleed and maybe the lung blood was because of the too high bleeding time. So I'm off the coumadin (rat poison) for the weekend and then start a different dose this next week. I have bruises all over my arms too, so I think that is what happened. I got some much wanted Oxygen in the hospital and today has been much, much better. I can't have oxygen at home until I desaturated to 87 because medicare won't pay. I have been at 89 so far. When I loose the ability to make words, I wonder if I can use sign language? I'm going to check it out next time. I spoke with the ER doctor about my fear that I will lose my speech permanently and/or have a seizure. He told me those things will happen.....So that is the medical story.
Have any of you heard about Steven Hawkings ? He is a brilliant physicist who developed the big bang and black hole theories (at least I believe he developed them.
Well, he says our brain is a computer and when the plug is pulled out the computer is dead. So if the computer is my brain, I am connected to the WWW, for now by codes and addresses, but like the universal consciousness, I am one with all. I kinda like that theory, but he doesn't call the power "God". I think I do. The other thing about that is that if the computer if found later and a "techie" brings up the old programs, that would be like reincarnation? Maybe.
The other thing, and I don't want you to think I have been sleeping in a fox hole this week, I have been thinking about GOD. What makes me think that my one opinion of a creator is the right one. How about all the educated, learned men and women over the centuries who have stuck to the God, Jesus, Holy Ghost theory. Am I wiser than them? And what if each of get the here after that we have created in our time here on earth? How will you design your heaven? Do you want one?
Lots of things think about.
I would request emails rather than phone calls because I am so short of breath right now. Thanks.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The slippery slope
Well, things have changed. The brain tumor is shrinking and doesn't look threatening, but the lung tumor did not die with the radiation, so it is growing and next week my radiologist and new oncologist will put their heads together and decide what to do. I am agreeable to chemotherapy..
The only reason I thought something was not right was because I was so out of breath and so weak...So yesterday I asked Sydney to stop by the clinic and I had my oxygen level tested. I was at 88, it is always best to be at least above 90. After I sat for awhile it came up to 93, so nothing yet to worry about going onto oxygen therapy.
Here are some of the chemo drugs that I may use and some of their side effects.
Taxol -It is made from needles and bark of certain kinds of yew trees. It interferes with the growth of rapidly dividing cells, like cancer cells and eventually causes those cells to die. Get an IV every 3-4 weeks depending on the lab results.
Chemotherapy has lots of possible side effects. Of course we all know the nausea and vomiting stories. A decrease of white blood cells would put me at risk for infections. My platelet count could drop with increased risk of bleeding. Anemia, weak and tired, mouth and throat sores, diarrhea, aches 2-5 days after therapy and COMPLETE HAIR LOSS.
The other chemo drug is called carboplatin (horrible names aren't they?)
It is used for treating many kinds of cancer and also interferes with rapidly diving cells. It is also given every 3-4 weeks and the side effects are the same.
Avastin targets a protein called vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF) This protein is found in many tumer cell types. Avastin works by interfering with these tumor cells and preventing spread to new sites.
During the infusion, which takes about 30 minutes, I could experience changes in my breathing, fever etc., my blood pressure will be monitored every 2-3 weeks and my medications may need to be adjusted
Sooooooooo, lots of possibilities., but not everything happens to every body and the one thing that shouted out to me was the possibility avastin may prevent the spread to new sites.
Last night I laid in bed and wondered if maybe I should just leave it all alone and enjoy what time I have left, but I decided, no, I'll try this chemo stuff. I'm pretty tuff and I'm not ready to exit yet.
I spoke with my radiologist today and he said he and my new oncologist will go over the game plan with me next Thursday and the three of us will decide the best thing to do at this poing. I may not be taking the above drugs, but it will be similar and I will let you all know.
Actually I have been waiting for this other foot to drop all fall, so to some extent I am glad there are some changes that need to be addressed. I hope to see another summer!
Well, the florist just called and are going to deliver me some flowers! I think it will be from my sister in law. Such fun. TA TA
The only reason I thought something was not right was because I was so out of breath and so weak...So yesterday I asked Sydney to stop by the clinic and I had my oxygen level tested. I was at 88, it is always best to be at least above 90. After I sat for awhile it came up to 93, so nothing yet to worry about going onto oxygen therapy.
Here are some of the chemo drugs that I may use and some of their side effects.
Taxol -It is made from needles and bark of certain kinds of yew trees. It interferes with the growth of rapidly dividing cells, like cancer cells and eventually causes those cells to die. Get an IV every 3-4 weeks depending on the lab results.
Chemotherapy has lots of possible side effects. Of course we all know the nausea and vomiting stories. A decrease of white blood cells would put me at risk for infections. My platelet count could drop with increased risk of bleeding. Anemia, weak and tired, mouth and throat sores, diarrhea, aches 2-5 days after therapy and COMPLETE HAIR LOSS.
The other chemo drug is called carboplatin (horrible names aren't they?)
It is used for treating many kinds of cancer and also interferes with rapidly diving cells. It is also given every 3-4 weeks and the side effects are the same.
Avastin targets a protein called vascular endothelial growth factor (VEGF) This protein is found in many tumer cell types. Avastin works by interfering with these tumor cells and preventing spread to new sites.
During the infusion, which takes about 30 minutes, I could experience changes in my breathing, fever etc., my blood pressure will be monitored every 2-3 weeks and my medications may need to be adjusted
Sooooooooo, lots of possibilities., but not everything happens to every body and the one thing that shouted out to me was the possibility avastin may prevent the spread to new sites.
Last night I laid in bed and wondered if maybe I should just leave it all alone and enjoy what time I have left, but I decided, no, I'll try this chemo stuff. I'm pretty tuff and I'm not ready to exit yet.
I spoke with my radiologist today and he said he and my new oncologist will go over the game plan with me next Thursday and the three of us will decide the best thing to do at this poing. I may not be taking the above drugs, but it will be similar and I will let you all know.
Actually I have been waiting for this other foot to drop all fall, so to some extent I am glad there are some changes that need to be addressed. I hope to see another summer!
Well, the florist just called and are going to deliver me some flowers! I think it will be from my sister in law. Such fun. TA TA
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
leafing fall
Yesterday the wind blew down off the rocky mountain front with a vengeance in the attempt to blow away autumn and usher in winter...well it is November....but to no avail. It is almost 60 degrees and sunny and many, many leaves survived the blow. It is a spectacular autumn!
I always had a romance with autumn, my favorite time of the year. New color books, new color crayons, new clothes and new beginnings. And Halloween was the kick off for the holidays ahead, still is, I noticed Christmas ads on the TV the day after Halloween, which is all Saints Day, not all sales day. O well, it is still lots of fun for me.
As a kid Halloween really began the week of October 25th. The day before Halloween was trick day and it didn't involve any treats. It was just a day for us brats to run around and get into trouble. Most I ever really did was soap a couple of windows, but it was after dark and seemed very daring. I don't recall costumes, other than stuff we borrowed, like my dad's fishing hat and pole, or mother's apron. I think we did buy masks, but I don't remember any theme. Back then folks gave out homemade popcorn balls, candied apples, cookies, etc. And we knew which house had a pellet shot gun and who's doorbell not to ring.
My favorite Halloween memory as a child was the year my friend had a party. Her older brother met us at the top of the basement stairs with a rubber glove filled with jello and he escorted us down the stairs and then through spaghetti noodles in our bare feet! We bobbed for apples, we passed apples with "chin only" down competitive lines of buddies and we played musical chairs.
In my adult years I went one year as a clown to the children's hospital where I was working and wore a red bulb on my nose all day. Another time I had to have some correction on my front teeth. The day before Halloween the dentist ground down the front four teeth on top to sharp little fangs and I worked as a witch on the pediatric unit the next day. After Halloween my dentist put nice porcelain covers on the fangs.
This year I got called to work at the school, so I put together a witches outfit and a mask and no one knew it was me. Lots of fun and lots of good foot last Sunday.
Autumn seems reluctant to end....she hangs on longer and longer and yet we know, both her and I that the cold dark nights must follow, sooner or later.
I always had a romance with autumn, my favorite time of the year. New color books, new color crayons, new clothes and new beginnings. And Halloween was the kick off for the holidays ahead, still is, I noticed Christmas ads on the TV the day after Halloween, which is all Saints Day, not all sales day. O well, it is still lots of fun for me.
As a kid Halloween really began the week of October 25th. The day before Halloween was trick day and it didn't involve any treats. It was just a day for us brats to run around and get into trouble. Most I ever really did was soap a couple of windows, but it was after dark and seemed very daring. I don't recall costumes, other than stuff we borrowed, like my dad's fishing hat and pole, or mother's apron. I think we did buy masks, but I don't remember any theme. Back then folks gave out homemade popcorn balls, candied apples, cookies, etc. And we knew which house had a pellet shot gun and who's doorbell not to ring.
My favorite Halloween memory as a child was the year my friend had a party. Her older brother met us at the top of the basement stairs with a rubber glove filled with jello and he escorted us down the stairs and then through spaghetti noodles in our bare feet! We bobbed for apples, we passed apples with "chin only" down competitive lines of buddies and we played musical chairs.
In my adult years I went one year as a clown to the children's hospital where I was working and wore a red bulb on my nose all day. Another time I had to have some correction on my front teeth. The day before Halloween the dentist ground down the front four teeth on top to sharp little fangs and I worked as a witch on the pediatric unit the next day. After Halloween my dentist put nice porcelain covers on the fangs.
This year I got called to work at the school, so I put together a witches outfit and a mask and no one knew it was me. Lots of fun and lots of good foot last Sunday.
Autumn seems reluctant to end....she hangs on longer and longer and yet we know, both her and I that the cold dark nights must follow, sooner or later.
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