the tides of shortened times

When I was a child, before the divorce and before my Mother died, my favorite time of the day was bedtime. After Mother tucked me in and kissed me good night, the light was dimmed and I drifted off with music from the radio and music from adults who murmured about their daily activities in the other room. I felt safe. I was misled, the world was not to prove safe for me.
This past weekend seven of us ladies who belong to a book club went into the wood, actually we stayed at a lodge, for a retreat.
After lugging piles and piles of equipment, cots, sleeping bags and food, food, food, we settled into the lodge in front of a rather inadequate fire and dined on dips, and sips, and sweets and other forbidden foods. This was a meeting of the infirmed. One lady brought a walker, or wheeler, and crutches, another was on a clear liquid diet and of course, bald headed me. However, the ladies brought me a whoopie Goldberg type hat with dread locks! I promised them I would wear it to work at least one day. One of the ladies brought materials for etching some wine glasses that her husband found at a garage sale.
The rain that night was horrendous.....We had an nice new bathhouse on the other side of the growing mud puddle out our lodge door.
The group settled down with wine and board games, but not me. I had brought a brand new pair of flannel jammies that a friend in Oregon made for me. I put those on and fixed my sleeping bag on the cot that another friend provided for me. I climbed into that camping cocoon and listened to the music and the murmur of 6 ladies who cared about me and I felt safe. It was such a wonderful night. I wish everyone could be tucked in for a safe night at least once in their life.

When we got back to town there was an email for me that my adopted daughter and her biological mother would be arriving the next day. Such fun to see them and have our pictures taken. Her mother is 83 and looks pretty good. She always did, I was so jeaulous of her when I was young and gangly, she was blond, buxom and had high heels and fur coats. I even bought a fake fur coat to keep up with her and I wore it to church with a housecoat underneath and no nylons. Anyway we had a wonderful time catching up on all our children. (we had 10) and grands and great grands and now great, great grands.

My husband is going through a tough recovery from his heart surgery. He is not sure they really fixed him and doesn't trust too much of the world right now. Last night I thing he overdosed on sleeping pills and fell in the bathroom, so I have hidden his meds. He did agree to try an antidepressent last week so that is encouraging.
He has a way of fracturing the english language and I so wish I would have started writing those mistakes down 35 years ago. It would be another book! He has been telling people that I am in "intermmission"

Thanks to relatives who stepped in for me when I could not go to Oregon with Pascha and Sienna, they had a wonderful vacation. I have a pic of me in the dread locks hat and I will add it to this post sometime in the future.


Say a little prayer that I get hired for a project. I don't want to tell you what it is, but I sure want it and if I get it you'll be the first to know. Not only will it help me financially, it is a challenge that I have been missing.
Goodnight.