the worried well

I have been wheezing some, especially at night - thought I found some pinkish blood in the sputum in the morning, twice, so made an appointment with radiologist who didn't take me very seriously and didn't even listen to my lungs...He thinks as soon as we get a good freeze the allergens will go away and so will my wheezing and he agrees with me that the bloody nose I had the other day was source of the tiny bit of blood in my sputum. I go back in Nov.for the six month MRI and cat scan. So I am not the worried well tonight, just well.
Almost had a cat. The lady on the phone said "yes I do have a nice little calico kitten. I live in Ft. Benton if you could come to get her. Yes, she is short haired."
So friend and I went to Ft. Benton. The kitten had the most beautiful blue eyes, but beyond that she was either a mutant, or a mongrel. Black and brown hair, all mixed together. You know the type, you've seen them in alleys. Long hair, matted and brown and black mixture, with maybe one or two little white blurs. Well this kitty had a white blur on her nose, which helped and her feet are white, but one leg is a yellow tiger strip! I brought her back to town and friend 's son set the kitty up at their old farm and he loves her. Thank God. Haven't decided if I am going to try again very soon.
Yesterday when I got up at 7am, the sky was partially grey and a breeze was waving the trees that still have leaves. The atmosphere reminded me of an October day in 1952. I was visiting a ranch family at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. Their daughters were 10 and 12 and I was 14. We saddled up three horses and gathered some cooking utensils and food supplies and rode into the wilderness in search of a box canyon the girls had been to once before. We went deeper and deeper into the forest until there were no more trees. The landscape was rough rocks that had fallen from the horseshoe shaped canyon so we got off the horses and led them through the rocks, which was not a good idea either. The box canyon had a spectacular waterfall that dropped into a grassy meadow. That is where we fried our bacon and egg breakfast and bathed under the waterfall, never giving a thought to Grizzlies! My childhood was much like that.....the hell with risks. We then rode up to Swift Current dam and the basin was pretty empty so we rode around in that. I recall that as one of the most wonderful October days of my life, with the exception of Pascha's birth, which we will celebrate tomorrow, 33years.
Boy, this dying stuff. Last spring I was pretty much in an acceptance phase and had thought through a lot of spiritual concerns. Now I have come full circle. I don't want to die, and the last time I thought of extinction I almost started crying. Sometimes I think I should have died during the initial preparation period. I wonder if those men in Chili have any of those second thought of survival feelings now that they are out of the hole of hell.
I have not been hanging onto God very hard, but I sense that he has not let go of me.
Sydney has started the rehab portion of his therapy and he likes it. I am surprised. He likes the monitored exercise and the lectures about diet changes. He 6old me the other day that he is sleeping like a baby and gives credit to the surgery, but I think it is the Zoloff. Funny how the two of us transit through things. I guess we are still developing our relationship. We make our beds together, take turns with dishes and cooking and have become a team...after 34 years of acting like a couple of oxen yoked unevenly. But don't get too dewy eyed because we will probably be fighting again next week.
This week, all of my sons have a paying job!
So the economy is better in our family.
Doc. says the woodpecker in my ear is probably a hallucination caused by some of the swelling in the brain. Nice to be "normal". Hope you are too.