Boy, I've been in a funk all day. Actually the weather is so beautiful and fall is drifting away into November. Suddenly I don't want to die and I don't want fall to die. I'd like to just do a freeze frame for a few days, then I'll be back to reality, but for now I want to look forward to another fall, and another and another.
Sydney and I are going in two different directions. He is going to cardiac rehab three times a week and learning ways to take better care of himself for a brighter future. He is meeting new people and gaining some self confidence and losing some weight.
Me, I can't get a grasp on future. No point in shopping for new clothes, no point in joining any organizations. Partly because I don't have a lot of energy, partly because I just don't want to invest in anything, or anyone new right now. Don't even feel much like reading. I supposed I'm depressed, but I think it is temporary.
I have had a couple of auditory hallucinations. One like the old woodpecker, but the last one sounded like a symphony of garbage cans in the alley. And the other day I had that tingling sensation in my arm, shoulder and face and lost my ability to make words for just a couple of minutes. I go on the 8th of November for CAT and MRI, but the docs are not impressed with my side effects. I was trying to wean off of steroids again and after I lost my words I got up and took 2 of my steroids. No further occurrences.
I applied for a couple of jobs that I was overly qualified for and did not even get a "no thank you". I think it is age related. It feels like I'll just spend the rest of my days in my recliner. Sydney is happy with that lifestyle. He dutifully turns on the halloween lights each night and lights his candles and in the daytime he puts pieces in a jigsaw puzzle between chores.
I am hoping a change in the weather, colder and maybe even snowy will put me in the nesting mode and I will begin to think of apple pies etc., but I hate to bake and have Sydney eat stuff he shouldn't be eating. Me, I can eat anything I want to.
Now to those of you who care, please don't try to fix me with cards and phone calls etc., I will be fine in a day or two, but I felt like complaining today.
About Me
- The Calico Pen
- My book "The Bastard Tree" is still available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com. I hve had a lot of positive remarks about my story and although I am not making money with it, I am glad I did it. It is one of those things that people always say, "you should write a book," so I did. I like to write and I hope you will enjoy reading what I post.
